So for the first verse you pick these notes, just a Em chord and a G chord. Play 2x for intro. 
EmG e|--------------------------------0---------------------------------------3--|
B|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| am i perv? cause every nerv is cravin for your touch 
EmD (10th muffled) you make me laugh youre my better half, though you weigh twice as much
Em G 350 pounds of love
EmCmaj7 you mustve fell from up above
EmGD and killed the townspeople below
(10th muffled) you had a crush and you let it show 
EmGEmCmaj7 when i want to pleasure you i need an expedition crew
Em G D (pick the high e string a few times) EmGEmCmaj7EmG
D
(Now for this verse go back to picking like the first verse) 
Em G 350 pounds of pain
EmCmaj7 when you exhale al gore goes insane
EmG whenever we make out
D (10th muffled) 
EmGEmCmaj7 we went on a sailing trip you fell and floated beside the ship
EmGD then a boat docked on your pants
(pick the high e string while keeping the D chord) 
Em G Em Cmaj7 Em G D
Alrighty, now heres a note, I'm not sure if these chords are right, but they sound kinda 
EmGEm then you did what i feared you dissapeared
EmGCmaj7Em saying this was something new
EmGEmG lyposuction, breast reduction
D and what came home wasnt you
D no no no no it wasnt you it was
 
Em G 120 pounds of hate,
EmCmaj7 and you said, "i look great."
EmGD and when the nurse removed the fat, they found the neighbors cat
 
EmG i just paused and said to her
EmCmaj7 i loved you just the way you were
EmGD then she smiled and for my sake
DEm G Em Cmaj7 said, "pass the caaaaaaaaaaaaake!"
EmEm G Em D pass the caaaaaaake
Em G Em Cmaj7 Pass the caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
Em GD Pass the caaaaaaaake