CDEmGG7 INTRO: 
G - G7 - C - D
 VERSE 1: 
GG7CD I love you like kings love queens, like a gay geneticist loves designer genes
GG7CD I need you like New Orleans needs a drought, like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out
GG7CD And I want you, yeah, like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof
GG7CD C DG And I want you, yeah, like JFK wanted a car with a roof...
 CHORUS 1: 
(G) CEmD Because love is taking that dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
GCEmD And love is a real life porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
GCEmD And love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain
GCEmD And finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate
GCEmD And even though he's heart broken, he can't complain because he was hungry in the first place...
 TRANSITION: 
G - G7 - C - D
 VERSE 2: 
GG7CD Because I love you like Dora loves maps, like the Pope's toilet loves "holy craps"
GG7CD I need you like a voyeur needs a branch, like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland
GG7 Ranch...
CDG And I want you, yeah, like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same, never want to conform
G7CD C D N/CG And I want you like Anne Frank wanted nobody to read her fucking diary!
 BRIDGE: 
G7CD And if we met in ten thousand BC, I was your caveman, you's my cavelady...
GG7 If we got hot - we'd start rubbin', if we got hungry - we'd go clubbin'
CD There's wooly mammoths, but I will protect us - you're making me devolve to a Homo Erectus
CD And if we met in 1780, I would be a white southern aristocratic plantation owner
 VERSE 3: 
GG7 Whenever I could get away from the Missus, I go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses
CD But let's be serious, I'd still work you full-time as a slave
 There's a difference between romantic language and complete disregard for socio economic trends... 
CD If it was 1941, I was a Nazi, you's a Gypsy on the run - that's a little redundant
GG7CD That probably wouldn't have worked out...
 CHORUS 2/OUTRO: 
CDGCEmD Because love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch and dinner
GCEmD And love is the Holocaust - if you don't die quick and you don't get thinner
GCEmD And love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles
GCEmD And even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape,
GCEm now you don't want to reduce it at all, 'cause if the rape rate declines
DGG7 you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales...
CDGG7 Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles?
CDG Yeah, love is all about... whistles