(Jule Styne/Bob Merrill)

Hey, can we have your autograph?
My autograph?
I'm nobody
But wait a minute

I've got 36 expressions
Sweet as pie to tough as leather
And that's six expressions more
Than all the Barrymores put together
Only six?

Instead of kicking me
I don't think they give me a lift
I think it's a plot
'Cause they're scared that I got
Such a gift, I'm miffed

'Cause I'm the greatest star
I am by far, but nobody knows it
Wait, they're gonna hear a voice
A silver flute
They'll cheer each toot
When I expose it

Can't you see the look at me
That I'm a natural Camille?
As Camille I just feel
I have so much to offer
I know I'll be divine because
I'm a natural cougher

Some ain't got it, not a lump
She a great big clump of talent
Laugh, they'll bend in half

Did I tell the story about the traveling salesman?
A thousand laughs
Stick around for 'em folks
A thousand faces, I reiterate
When you're gifted
Then you're gifted

These are facts, I have no axe to grind
Hey, what are they blind
In all of the world so far
I'm the greatest star

Who is the pip with pizazz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as?

Who's an American beauty rose
With that American beauty nose
And ten American beauty toes

Eyes on the target and wham
One shot, one gun shot and bam
Hey, world, here I am!

I'm the greatest star
I am by far
But nobody knows it
That's why I was born
I'll blow my horn
'Till somebody hears it

I'll light up like a light
Right up like a light
I'll flicker and flare up
All the world's gonna stare up
Looking down
You'll never see me
Try the sky
'Cause that'll be me

I can make 'em cr