G                              C                   D
Hey honey have you gained some weight at your rear end
G                             C               D  
the dress you wear reminds me of my old girl friend
Em              D                 C                    G
And where'd you get those shoes i think they're pretty lame
Em             D                   C                   G
would you stop talking, 'cause i'm trying to watch the game
Em                    G               Em             G             
If you're the man who wants to live a long and happy life
Em                       D                 G 
these are the things you don't say to your wife
G G C D
G G C D
G                             C                 D
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
G                      C             D
I didn't ask you but i knew it'd be okay
Em           D              C                  G
Go make some dinner while i watch that fishing show
Em         D            C         G    
I taped it over our old wedding video
Em                    G               Em             G             
If you're the man who wants to live a long and happy life
Em                       D                 G 
these are the things you don't say to your wife
G G C D
G G C D
G G C D 
G G C D 
Em  D  C  G
Em  D  C  G
G                         C               D
Your cooking is okay, but not like mother makes
G                          C                D
The diamond in your ring i bought you is a fake
Em             D           C               G
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill
Em        D          C                 G    
Happy anniversary! I bought you a treadmill
Em                    G               Em             G             
If you're the man who wants to live a long and happy life
Em                       D                 G 
these are the things you don't say to your wife
Em                    G               Em               G             
If you're the man who doesn't want to be killed with a knife
Em                       D                 G
these are the things you don't say to your wife
G G Cadd9 D
G G Cadd9 D
G