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[Verse 1]
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Do you want your girl to love you? Do you want her to be your beau?
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I'll tell you how to do boys, I'll tell you all I know.
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Put on your bibs and pucker, And scrub your face real hard
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Part your hair in the middle boys, And slick it down with lard.
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Put your derby hat on sideways, Pull your pegged-up pants up short.
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Get a red bowtie on a rubber band, And show her you're a sport
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Get yourself some drugstore perfurme, And sprinkle it on your clothes
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A dime's worth would be plenty boys, Just to tickle her little nose.
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[Verse 3]
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Grease your buggy and your harness, And curry your trottin' mare.
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Then buy a pretty lap rope, boys, And get your lady fair.
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Tie a ribbon on your buggy whip. Get a pair of yellow gloves.
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And take her to the county fair, And buy her what she loves.
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Tell her she is purtier, Than a movie acteress.
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Talk about her purty curls, And about her handsome dress.
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Get yourself a gold front tooth, And a Sears and Roebuck ring.
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Buy a double-noted harmonica, And learn to play and sing.
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[Verse 5]
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And if she does not love you boy, Just make her jealous then
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Tell her you love somebody else, And she is just a friend.
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Take her out to the dances, And flirt with the other girls
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Hug 'em close, and whisper soft, And give them all the whirl.
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Laugh out loud with the others, And your girl don't you speak
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And when she comes around you boys, turn from her your cheeck.
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Jut follow these directions and she will be your wife.
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Or else she'll marry somebody else and hate you all her life!
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