D G D G
My show is a little bit silly and a little bit pretentious
D G Bmin A
Like Shakespeare's willy or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap on,
D G D G
It's also a little bit gay and a little offensive,
D G Bmin A
Like Thanksgiving Day or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap on,
D G
So put your cell phones to vibrate,
Bmin A
And put your vibrators to cell phone mode,
D G Bmin
Welcome to the show it goes a little bit like this,
A
JOKE... (laugh)... exactly.
D G Bmin
Welcome to my flow it flows a little bit like this,
A
With a rap a dist and a,
D G
Swift rap on the wrist a wrap and a kiss,
Bmin A
Like Hershey's wrapping a kiss shit.
D G
I got a show that'll test ya kids,
Bmin A
Then ask one question and the question is,
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
A
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
D G Bmin A
Oh, Humor is often linked to shared experience,
D
Like a guy gets up and says,
G Bmin A
"have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers,
D G Bmin
Oh my god, yes I have, HA HA HA,
A D
Really good point, they should fix that,
G Bmin A
Its good to know that somebody finally gets me,
D G
because my wife divorced me which Sub-Consciously forced me,
Bmin A
to lose all sense of self.
D G Bmin A
So its nice to think about hand dryers and not that cheating whore,
D G Bmin A
Because stand up comedy is actually pretty easy,
D G
If you're an asian comic just get up and say,
Bmin A
"My mothers got the weirdest fucking accent"
D G Bmin A
then just do, a chinese accent, because everybody laughs at the chinese accent,
D G
Because they privately thought that your people were laughable,
Bmin A
And now you've given them the chance to express that in public,
D G Bmin A
If you're a musical comic, just give 'em a little weird voice inflection
D G Bmin [stop]
Then take a Viagra and slap 'em with a rock hard misdirection
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
A
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
[stop]
TOURETTE'S!
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
A
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny? And the audience says
D G Bmin A
When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys,
D
Now I'm older and bolder,
G Bmin A
And just get mad 'cause i notice that the keys are to a Hummer,
D G
Fuck my life I don't fuck my wife,
Bmin A
so fuck my wife and fuck my life,
D G
and my son is gay, but not sitcom gay,
Bmin A
My daughter's a whore like another girl who used to be her mother,
D G
But the marriage made her miss merry americana,
Bmin A
I want a teen without screaming prima-donna,
D G Bmin A
But the radical feminists made my wife a man,
D G Bmin A
And if I die happy the situation will be autoerotic asphyxiation,
D G Bmin A
I hate my life and it hates me back,
D
and my friend is black,
G Bmin A
but I don't know what to call him, so I just call him...
D G Bmin
"Yo whatup Jamaal?",
[stop] A
Even though his name is Steve,
D G
I Hate my job I hate my life, hate my kids I hate my wife,
Bmin A
Jews would know I do it; Judas beat me to it,
D G Bmin A
I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma,
A [just strum angrily a bunch of times]
.....
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
A
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
[stop]
*pop* It's a boy!
D G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny?
A
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funny?
D A D
